I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
