I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
