Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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