apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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