i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
