I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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