No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
