I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
