This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
