dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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