i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
