Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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