I'm an idiot
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Your cock deserves a montage
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.