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Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
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