it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover