there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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