No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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