That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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