I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
