bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
please don't ironically join a cult
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