I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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