Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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