when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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