so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize