I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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