paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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