Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
organizing the empties. That sober.
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize