I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
