Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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