theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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