Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
