I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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