girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
