one word: firstdatebathroomanal
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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