Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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