I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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