Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk

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(503): View more from Oregon

do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?

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(941): View more from Florida

He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday

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(214): View more from Texas

There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.

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(231): View more from Michigan

You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.

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(845): View more from New York

Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."

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(516): View more from New York

Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.

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(907): View more from Alaska

...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself

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