who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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