so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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