Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
