Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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