I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize