My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I hope mine doesn't look like that
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
