you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
