More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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