He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just gargled with NyQuil
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize