Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
