32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm having to shit out rocks
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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