i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
