I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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