You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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