You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Randomize
