i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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