Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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