They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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