i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
