I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
