So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
