Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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