And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
