you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
