break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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