Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
