God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
