just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Randomize
