i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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