he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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