so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
