Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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