Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
