I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
