and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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