when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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