smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
one two three fourrrrnication!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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